Friday, 8 March 2013

Oblivion

I am now coming back to Rhiannon, the object of my desire; the 21st century girl who jumped off a cliff and ended up meeting me soon after her death. She felt she had lost everything and I "confirmed" her the terrible truth, thinking that making her feel helpless would be an easy way to subdue her. I had underestimated her. Do you know what happened immediately after that? She laughed, derisively.

- You have to come up with something a bit scarier. I am already aware of the soulless ghoul I am - she said.
- You are not a ghoul. Not yet - I replied, shamelessly staring at her breasts.
- So, it's official. I am to become a ghoul.
- Not necessarily, but if you did choose that path you would at least be something - I emphasised, lighting a cigarette and pretending to smoke.
- What do you mean? - she asked, an angry look in her face.
- Nothing - I said calmly, faking the action of dramatically exhaling smoke. It is a little trick of mine.
- What am I now?
- Nothing.
- You say that I am nothing because I am dead, surely.
- You cannot be dead when you have not been born.
- I was born. I died! - yelled Rhiannon, shaking her head in confusion.
- No, you were never born. You do not exist - I insisted, putting my cigarette out.

Rhiannon stepped back and laughed again, this time bitterly. She sat down on the floor and bent her knees, hugging them like a scared little girl.

- Are you not a tiny bit curious as to your current status, Rhiannon? - I enquired.
- It is clear you are not helping at all, there is no point in talking to you. Is there?
- Then who would you like to talk to? I may be the only one around - I said with a sneer - Eternity is not going to be much fun for you by the looks of it.

I expected some sort of reply but the girl remained defiant. We spent a long time looking at each other in silence. My heart beat fast despite my serene countenance. I wanted her, I had to have her.

- Take off your clothes, Rhiannon - I ordered her coldly. I was being blunt but still tried to cover up my obvious intentions by pretending to remain unemotional. Rhiannion did not move.
- Why? Are you some kind of lesbian demon? - she answered.
- Wow, you are a very perceptive young lady.
- Thank you - she said mockingly without paying me much heed.
- Take off your clothes, Rhiannon.
- No.
- Don't provoke me, girl. You will do as I say, or else...
- Or else what? What are you going to do? Burn me in your Hell? You already said you wouldn't. It seems I am completely fucked up anyway so things cannot get any worse.
- Exactly.
- Good, if it is as bad as it can be I do not have to obey you.
- You see, that would be a pity - I whispered, pulling a sad face - things could get better for you if you had me.
- How so? No offence but... I am not into women.
- That is fine. I am not a woman.
- You might not be human, or are you?

I shook my head.

- But you are still female - she continued - I am sorry, girls don't rock my boat.
- Oh, please. You are a liar.
- How can you be so sure?
- Because I can feel you. In a way, I know more about you than you do. You have never kissed a woman before but you have fantasised about it then felt guilty. Guilty... to the point that you have tried to force yourself into relationships that left you sexually and emotionally unfulfilled. You have wasted your time with dysfunctional losers and wondering not only why things did not work out for you but also why you did not manage to find the love you wanted and needed whilst other people could. I will tell you why, because you do not really like most men. You used to choose the worst among them to protect yourself from spending the rest of your life with a man who actually cared. Still, you never had the courage to pursue your heart's true desire. You were not fully aware of this but deep down you could not fool yourself.

She stayed motionless, hardly even blinking. Had I been human, it would have been a difficult task to decipher her expression. I would not have known whether she was bored by my mini monologue or she just thought I was stupid. Luckily, my humanity had expired four centuries ago and special gifts had been bestowed upon me in exchange of my mortal soul. Rhiannon was almost an open book to someone like me. There was this "How dare you?" look in her eyes but I could also see a sparkle of approbation. Yes, she acquiesced with her silence. She unbuttoned her coat. I caressed her face as she took it off and, in a sudden fit of impatience, bit her sweet lips until she bled. She put her arms around me, weeping like a child.

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